.png)
.jpg)
Amanda Luzzader
.png)
In this two-part article, we are discussing the history, usage, and etiquette of personal pronouns. Over the past 5–10 years, this is a subject that has received a lot of societal attention, largely because of the rise of global and ubiquitous social media. In the first part of this article, we discussed some of the more mundane aspects of personal pronouns, such as how they fit into the English language. As a quick reminder, pronouns replace nouns, proper nouns, and noun phrases, making speech and the written word much more convenient and less cumbersome.
We also talked about why English has a huge blind spot when it comes to singular, gender-neutral pronouns. As another quick reminder, English doesn’t really have a singular, gender-neutral pronoun. English includes “he” and “she” (which are not gender-neutral) along with “they” (which has not historically been considered singular), meaning we’ve had to make up new words, break old rules of grammar, and rely on other language hacks for individuals who’d rather not be referred to as male or female.
Here in the second part of the article, we’ll move on to the contemporary and more-controversial aspects of personal pronouns, and how to approach the issue without giving rise to confusion, offense, or controversy.
Personal pronouns choice and preference
Personal pronoun choice and preference are now widely acknowledged in society. That is, while people have been searching for ways to get around the English’s lack of a singular, gender-neutral pronoun, society now acknowledges that people are free to choose which pronouns best suit them and even make up brand new ones, no matter what gender they may have been assigned in the past, and this includes “they” used in a gender-neutral and singular sense.
What is proper personal pronoun etiquette?
Personal pronoun usage may be a lot more complicated than it used to be, and as touched upon in the first part of this article, it’s the source of no small amount of controversy. However, pronoun etiquette revolves mostly around the idea that everyone wants to feel acknowledged and comfortable in interpersonal settings, and we all should cooperate in making that happen. Imagine if you were at a social gathering where everyone referred to you by the wrong name. Imagine if some people did it on purpose, out of spite. Even the most easygoing people would begin to feel frustrated, weary, and unwelcome if they had to issue repeated and constant reminders about their names. Similarly, personal pronoun etiquette is mostly about making sincere efforts to honor everyone’s preferences, even if that means doing things we’re not accustomed to (such as using new words), remembering people’s pronouns, and changing the way we’ve referred to people in the past.
While this list of personal pronoun etiquette tips is far from comprehensive, it’s a great start, and will help you avoid difficult or embarrassing situations.
1. Announce your own personal pronouns and ask others about theirs.
Part of the personal pronoun paradigm shift is simply normalizing pronoun preference and clarity. One of the best ways to handle the pronoun issue in interpersonal situations is to simply append pronouns to your own personal introductions. When introducing yourself, offer your own pronoun preference along with your name. And when you ask for someone’s name, ask for their pronouns, too. For instance: “Hi, I’m Amanda. My pronouns are she/her. What’s your name and what are your pronouns?”
2. If you use the wrong pronouns, simply apologize and make an effort to remember.
One reason the pronoun issue gives rise to controversy is that people must now remember more information about the people they meet. It may also be difficult to “re-assign” pronouns to someone you’ve known for a while, such as in the case of someone who used to use “he/him” but now prefers “they/them.” And because the issue of gender and pronouns can be very personal, it seems like the issue might be a very awkward source of embarrassment. This needn’t be the case. Most experts agree that if you are sincerely trying to be sensitive to pronoun preference but get it wrong, the best approach is to apologize and sincerely try to remember next time.
3. Avoid making assumptions about pronoun preference.
Now that pronoun preference is societally acknowledged, you’ll encounter many people whose pronoun choices may not be readily reflected by their appearance or previous pronoun usage. If you don’t know someone’s pronouns, try to avoid guessing or presuming. Simply ask. If that’s not possible, use the person’s name until you can find out.
4. Normalize speech patterns, expression, and idioms that are gender-inclusive.
Language that is not gender-inclusive may lurk in the most unexpected places. The phrase “ladies and gentlemen” seems totally innocuous, for instance, until you think about those who consider themselves neither lady nor gentleman. As another example, some may object to the use of the idiom “you guys” to informally refer to a group of people who may not all be men.
5. Embrace neopronouns.
When asking others about their pronoun usage, you will undoubtedly encounter what are known as “neopronouns,” which just means “new pronouns.” These might include “ze/zir,” “per/pers,” “ey/em,” and many others.
Sources:
https://fox4kc.com/news/local-school-settles-with-teacher-in-pronoun-controversy/
https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2021/06/gender-neutral-pronouns-arent-new/619092/
https://www.bbc.com/news/newsbeat-49754930
https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/pronoun-etiquette
.png)
